{ prima facie } the Temple Law newspaper

by Marcel Pratt

Eating Food for Events They Didn’t Attend.

Occasionally, Temple Law Persons (“TLPs”) stumble across catered hors d’oeuvres that have magically appeared in the Second Floor lobby. The TLP will approach the grub, and ask a familiar face, “Dude, what’s this for?” Regardless of the answer, the TLP will make a plate of wings and meatballs—and if beverages are being served, a glass of beer or champagne. Does the TLP sneak away afterwards? No. They’ll consume the food on the spot, despite the observant eyes of the actual attendees.

Not Living in North Philly

Greedy property owners are using the undergrads to speed up the gentrification process, but TLPs refuse to participate in the displacement of North Philly’s residents. Instead, you can catch TLPs ballin’ out of control in Center City, the Art Museum area, Olde City, and even Society Hill. A Center City crib is ideal because an alcoholic beverage is always less than 2 minutes away. Since law school facilitates alcoholism, a local bar is a necessity.

Jaywalking Across Broad Street.

TLPs aren’t experts in geometry, but they know the shortest distance to a point is a straight line. Yeah, jaywalking across Philly’s most traveled street is dangerous. But from the steps of Klein, the quickest route to Wendy’s, the Bookstore, and the Orange Line is to take a shortcut across four lanes of busy traffic. Law school is all about finding shortcuts, and TLPs are good law students.

Draught Horse.

TLPs love the Draught Horse—not because it’s a great bar, but because it’s the only bar. After the last final exam, droves of TLPs jaywalk to Da’ Horse to consume beer and occasionally Jäger bombs.

The Emergency Exit on the First Floor.

“Emergency Exit Only. Door Alarmed.” False. TLPs use this exit on a daily basis. Last year, the administration asked TLPs to stop using this exit, but we didn’t listen. It’s the quickest way to get to Barrack and the lunch trucks, especially from the locker room. TLPs also like to use the first floor handicap exit. Personally, I like to press the blue button so the doors open for me.

Litigating.

Temple Law has a reputation for training some of the best trial lawyers in the country. So naturally, TLPs love litigation. During class, some TLPs even litigate against their law professors. Every classroom has a few who consistently challenge the professor to a battle of legal knowledge and rhetoric. In some classes, the TLP actually wins.

Being Liberal.

TLPs are left-wingers. The typical TLP classroom will mock, condemn, or outright laugh at a judicial opinion that begins “Scalia, J.”. See also the SPIN auction poster depicting Scalia as a bobblehead. TLPs wish they could resurrect Justices Billy Brennan and Thurgood Marshall—the High Court’s Justin Timberlake and Usher Raymond.